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At times, Jay Spring is convinced he is “the greatest person on planet Earth”. Having received an NPD diagnosis, his grandiose moments frequently escalate into “highly unrealistic”, he explains. You’re riding high and you tell yourself, ‘People will see that I surpass everyone else … I will achieve remarkable feats for the world’.”

For Spring, these times of heightened ego are often coming after a “emotional downturn”, where he feels sensitive and embarrassed about his conduct, rendering him highly sensitive to negative feedback from others. He came to wonder he might have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) after looking up his traits on the internet – and subsequently confirmed by a specialist. However, he doubts he would have agreed with the assessment unless he had previously arrived at that understanding on his own. “If you try to tell somebody that they have NPD, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he comments – most notably if they harbor beliefs of dominance. “They’re in a delusional world that they’ve constructed. And that world is like, No one compares to me and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Clarifying NPD

Though people have been called narcissists for more than a century, definitions vary what is meant by the term. People frequently term everybody a narcissist,” states a psychology professor, adding the word is “overused” – but when it comes to a formal diagnosis, he suggests many people keep it private, due to so much stigma associated with the illness. Someone with NPD will tend to have “an inflated view of oneself”, “impaired compassion”, and “a strategy of using people to bolster one’s self-esteem through things like seeking admiration,” the specialist clarifies. Those with NPD may be “highly self-focused”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he emphasizes.

I’ve never cared about anyone really, so relationships weren’t a priority relationships seriously

Variations by Gender in The Disorder

While three-quarters of people diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder are men, studies suggests this statistic does not mean there are less female narcissism, but that female narcissism is frequently manifests in the less obvious variety, which is less commonly diagnosed. Male narcissism tends to be a bit more accepted, as with everything in society,” notes an individual who posts about her dual diagnosis on social media. Frequently, the two disorders appear together.

First-Hand Experiences

It’s hard for me with dealing with feedback and rejection,” she shares, whenever it’s suggested that I am at fault, I either go into defence mode or I completely shut down.” Although experiencing this response – which is often called “ego wounding”, she has been trying to overcome it and take advice from her support system, as she strives not to return into the damaging patterns of her previous life. My past relationships were toxic to my partners as a teenager,” she admits. Through dialectical behavioural therapy, she has been able to mitigate her NPD symptoms, and she explains she and her partner “have a dynamic where I told him, ‘Should I make a harmful comment, if I say something manipulative, address it {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her childhood mainly in the care of her father and explains there was an absence of supportive figures in her youth. I’ve had to teach myself continuously the difference between acceptable versus unacceptable to say when arguing because I lacked that guidance as a kid,” she comments. “Nothing was off-limits when my relatives were criticizing me when I was growing up.”

Origins of NPD

Personality disorders tend to be connected with early life adversity. Heredity is a factor,” explains a consultant psychiatrist. But, when someone exhibits NPD characteristics, it is often “linked to that specific childhood circumstances”. Those traits were “a coping mechanism in some ways to cope in formative years”, he continues, when they may have been neglected, or only shown love that was based on meeting specific standards. They then “continue to use those familiar tactics as adults”.

In common with many of the individuals with NPD, a person from Leeds thinks his parents “might exhibit similar traits. The 38-year-old says when he was a child, “everything was all about them and their work and their social life. So it was like, don’t bother us.” When their they engaged with him, it came in the form of “a great amount of pressure” to achieve good grades and professional advancement, he recalls, which made him feel that if he didn’t meet their standards, he wasn’t “worthy.

In adulthood, none of his relationships were successful. “I’ve never cared about anyone really,” he states. As a result, relationships weren’t relationships seriously.” He didn’t think forming deep connections, until he met his long-term relationship of three years, who is diagnosed with BPD, so, like him, has difficulty with mood stability. She is “really understanding of the internal struggles in my head”, he notes – it was in fact, her who initially thought he might have NPD.

Seeking Help

After a visit to his GP, John was referred to a therapist for an evaluation and was informed of his condition. He has been put forward for therapeutic sessions through national services (ongoing counseling is the main intervention that has been shown to help NPD patients, clinicians explain), but has been on the waiting list for a year and a half: “They said it is likely to occur early next year.”

He has shared with a few individuals about his mental health status, because “there’s a big stigma that all narcissists are abusers”, but, personally, he has embraced the diagnosis. “It helps me to gain insight into my behavior, which is beneficial,” he explains. Those interviewed have acknowledged their condition and are looking for support for it – leading them to be open to talk about it – which is likely not typical of all people with the disorder. But the existence of individuals sharing their stories and the development of online support communities point to {more narcissists|a growing number