Nighttime Personalities Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

Television's prominent hosts spent their airtime mocking former President Donald Trump's newly unveiled visa program, labeled the "golden visa," describing it as a obvious pay-for-access scheme for the wealthy.

Stephen Colbert's Witty Take

Opening his program, Stephen Colbert delivered a satirical holiday tune about the commander-in-chief. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "The President ... spoils all he comes into contact with."

The subject was the new initiative that enables foreign individuals to acquire U.S. residence for the price of one million dollars, or "premium" version for five million. An official portal guarantees approval "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick message for you to affluent applicants: prior to you fork over the cash, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He explained that the scheme is also designed to "extract cash" from firms looking to hire skilled workers, involving large payments. "That is a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you additionally get two free nights at a hotel of your choosing – as long as it's the a specific Marriott," he continued.

"The best vetting the U.S. government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants truly are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Critique

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow affluent foreigners to live here," he stated. "For a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your selection."

"Maybe it's time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the brevity of the application, saying it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Indeed, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Economic Concerns

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping poll ratings amid economic concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term since they were mad about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a effort to discuss affordability, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a selection of grocery items, and reacted strangely to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by mocking right-leaning media defenses of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he laughed.